Over the last 2 days I have spent some time watching 2 documentaries about mental health and the devastating topic that is suicide.
Roman Kemp: Our Silent Emergency focussed on the worrying figures surrounding male suicide and the death of Roman’s good friend, ‘Producer Joe.’ The other was Caroline Flack: Her Life & Death which explored how, over many years, Caroline was broken down by the media and how moments in her life lead to taking her life.
Although, both had the same devastating outcome and discussed how suicide affects those left behind, I was able to take away 2 very different lessons that I wanted to share.
Mental health is a subject that has been at the forefront of my life for some time and it has taken me a while to rebuild myself to feel comfortable enough to talk more openly about my struggles. I knew it would be hard for me to watch these documentaries but I wanted to understand what happens ‘after’ suicide. How it impacts the life of those that loved you, how much your family & friends wish they could’ve changed the last thing they spoke to you about and how they wished things could’ve been different.
After Sep 2019, when I attempted to take my own life, I have never discussed with my family or friends how they would have dealt with the loss. At the time, I was numb to any emotions and I couldn’t see any other way out. I have mentioned previously in another blog post that I don’t necessarily regret the attempt but I regretted the effect it had on those around me.
In both documentaries, those who were interviewed about losing their loved one, all expressed a feeling a regret. The feeling of ‘what if’ or ‘if they would have just reached out, things would have been different.’ I understand that frustration now, when my friends feel down and I want to help or my Mum is anxious but doesn’t want to talk about it. I can’t quite imagine the impact my situation has had on others but it has made me want to explore this more and help anybody that needs it.
Roman’s documentary focused mainly on the suicide crisis in young men and last year, Roman lost his good friend, Joe, to suicide. Roman travelled around the UK to talk to multiple men with different stories. One guy had attempted suicide and his story left me in tears. I felt every word he was saying, every emotion he had felt but also the relief in his explanation because he was still here. Albeit, we’re all not really ‘living’ at the minute with current restrictions and that is what makes it even more important to ask ‘how are you?’ and then ask again.
Roman spoke to a group of young guys in Ireland who lost their friend who was the same age. Their advice was just that. Ask and then ask again. That question has no meaning if you don’t want to listen to the real answer. It is so important to provide that support for somebody or even just to listen. Advice isn’t always what we are seeking but an excuse to express ourselves and feel relief that we no longer are battling alone. I have noticed recently that being so open about situations in my life, whether it be motherhood or previous struggles or friendship issues, it has helped people to feel comfortable enough to express themselves too. And that’s all I want- to be that person that I wish I had.
Caroline Flack was often referred to as Carrie by her family, which made me realise that we didn’t actually know her at all. We never knew she had a twin, we never knew how she dealt with her heartbreak and we never knew she used to self-harm. What we assumed we knew about her was her ups/downs in her public celebrity relationships, the stories the press released about her final ‘so-called’ abusive relationship and the hatred from behind anonymous social media accounts that we all read about her- because they didn’t like the way she presented ‘The X Factor’ or ‘Love Island.’
One of her friends said a very important sentence that really resonated with me. It was about ‘taking her eye off the ball’ in order for Caroline to commit suicide. They had spoken days before and Caroline showed signs of healing and that she was ok. When in reality she was battling with an internal monster that was her own thoughts. We can’t take our eyes off the ball. People can struggle at any point- regardless of their response to ‘are you ok?’. Ask again and listen to the answer.
Although we all don’t suffer from online abuse, we all have those ‘preconceptions’ of other people when in reality we don’t really know what is going on in other people’s worlds.
I’m just one person with one opinion on changing the world but if we all work together to just do a little bit more to help others feel less lonely, then it will make a huge difference.
What I learnt by watching these documentaries:
- Ask and ask again.
- Don’t take your eye off the ball.
In a world were you can be anything, be kind.
365 Days Of Happiness 