Wow, it’s been a while…
So 3 years ago, I wrote a post including 21 things to know about mental health. I also went into details about my own experiences with the battle I had faced since my teenage years.
Reading through it has made me realise that I’m still battling the same things, the same mindset & the same confusion.
How did I think I had it all figured out?
I’m going to reflect on those answers from 3 years ago.
21 Things You Should Know About Mental Health.
21) A mental illness is not just one problem, there are many different types of mental health issues such as; PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, Substance Abuse.
3 years ago: I suffer from Anxiety and Depression. Did you realise I never said ‘suffered’. Just because I have finished CBT, one-to-one Therapy and stopped taking medication to get my illness under control, it does not mean it has miraculously disappeared. It will most likely always be there, there is no cure there are just better coping methods and remembering what works for you, which I have spent a long time trying to figure out what works for me.
Now: Back then, I believed stopping the medication gave me hope that one day it would stop. But it didn’t. It hasn’t. I’m far better at figuring out my personal needs now than I was 3 years ago, but it’s still not perfect. I still have those days but who doesn’t? I take the medication daily because it levels me out and it doesn’t mean I’m failing.
20) Trying to understand somebody with a mental illness can be frustrating for them. Just accept that sometimes you cannot help, if they need you/help leave them until they are ready.
3 years ago: I have many people around me who love to help. But I never accept it. I’m so strong willed and love to figure things out myself without asking for help. Being told that people understand what I am going through really frustrates me. You may have the same illness but you do not have the same day-to-day problems as I do. So if you ever find yourself in this situation, wait until you are told about their feelings before presuming- it makes life easier for all of us.
Now: In the last 3 years I have done a lot of cutting people out of my life and it’s never felt better. I was just the subject of gossip and I was fed up. Now I have great people around me who support me when I ask for help. And asking for help is SO important l. You are not failing, you are human.
19) Most people become spiritual and rely on something greater than their own mind to seek help.
3 years ago: This is something I have been advised to do and tried, but unfortunately I did not work for me personally.
Now: I tried meditating & yoga again and I wish I had carried it on. The mindfulness helped more than I thought it would. Taking a few minutes each day to simply check in with myself was so important. (Although, not so easy now with a baba!)
18) Living with any mental health issue can feel like you’re trapped with no way out by becoming a permanent worry to yourself.
3 years ago: Sometimes it felt like I had lost control of own mind. I had no control over my thought process, over my actions, over my reactions, over myself. It is all about re-training your mind to think positively and let things go!
Now: I’ll be honest, I’m still re-training! Who I was 3 years ago and who I am now are different people. Even all those different versions of myself in between.
17) Their greatest talent is pretending. Pretending that nothing is going on, pretending that everything is fine and pretending that they don’t need help.
3 years ago: If you asked me who ate all the chocolate from the fridge and I lied, you would 100% be able to tell I was lying because of my face. But there is a difference between lying and pretending. I pretended I was okay until I heard a specific name then I’d have to walk away. I couldn’t physically sit in a room whilst others discussed this person because it hurt me too much. I pretended I was okay until I felt rejection. Rejection for me is one of my biggest fears but I’m working on it! I pretended I was okay until I was told ‘no’. Then I would blame everybody for my problems. When in all honesty it wasn’t my fault. It was my mental health issues that blurred the lines between normality and anxiety.
Now: I gave birth 3 months ago and suddenly I was a mother. I had a responsibility for another human and I am his world. But I can proudly say I never pretended I had it all figured out. I didn’t know which cry meant what, I didn’t know how to get him to sleep or change his nappy properly, but I also didn’t know how much he would change my life and I will forever be grateful.
16) Anything can trigger a panic attack or over thinking, so remember to smile. You do not know what others are going through.
3 years ago: I have a real phobia of smiling at people and they don’t smile back. I could be having the most productive day I have had all week, but that one person could effect my mood in an instant. You could also be having the worst day ever and not in the mood to smile- but if you’re both smiling at each other, that’s the first step to becoming happier.
Now: This is a bit of a difficult one, we’re in the middle of a global pandemic… wearing a face mask is the law…
15) Learning about mental health if you are suffering yourself, can be the ultimate power to getting the control of your life back.
3 years ago: I wish I had done this sooner. I said in the past so many times ‘I need to see a DR’ but I never did it. I used it as an excuse. I pretended I would so everything would go back to the way I liked it. But I was wrong. I should’ve learnt about triggers, how to deal with life in general, in a relationship, living at home etc.
Now: I have the ultimate power to determine my own happiness. Not anybody else. Not my parents, not my partner, not my friends… ME. I guess it just took me a lot longer to figure that out
14) Unfortunately, if you need a therapist, they don’t know everything, they just assess you and work on those things. You can come out the other end, no matter how long it takes.
3 years ago: My therapist was a saint! She helped me so much I don’t think she realised. I had a non-judgemental person that was willing to sit with me for 1 hour a week and help me. Just me. My self-worth was my main issue. I had been in so many bad relationships, had so many bad friendships, that I forgot who I was. I spent my entire life trying to please everybody else but myself.
Now: My therapist was not a saint- she was doing her job. I done all hard work. I worked on my self-worth. I worked on dealing with those bad friendships and relationships. I realised that I just needed to talk, regardless of who it is, talking is my therapy.
13) ‘Trial and Error’ is often used when trying to get better. Remembering how you’ve trained your mind to work for you is the trick!
3 years ago: I’m still getting better but I’m progressing and that’s really all that matters. Like I said in yesterday’s blog, Remembering is KEY!
Now: Trials and Error really is my everyday
12) It’s easier to cope if you’re your own treatment provider. Gaining knowledge, tracking your moods, keeping a journal, what coping methods work for you are KEY!
3 years ago: I began doing this. I wrote a journal for a little over 2 weeks. I tracked how I felt that day and talked about small trivial things that either annoyed me/ upset me/ triggered an episode. I have read back over it once and I doubt I will ever do it again. I don’t want to remember how bad I felt 3 months ago, I want to focus on the future. The trick is to never read back over a journal, it’s in the past.
Now: Yes, if you know how to be your own treatment provider- great. But it’s okay if you don’t, it’s about what works for you.
11) The illness ‘depression‘ does not mean you are sad all of the time.
3 years ago: This is the huge misconception with ‘depression’. The general feeling is detachment. Having a detachment from things that used to make you happy. Having a detachment from things that could make you happy. I started doing things I love again, and i’m really enjoying it! It’s all about remembering yourself.
Now: Oh my goodness, how wrong I was. Depression is so much much than ‘a general feeling of detachment’. Depression is smiling through the pain, laughing when you’re broken inside, hiding and suppressing emotions so no-body will notice how you’re falling apart but you have no time for sadness. You have no outlet for those confusing emotions. You are stuck
10) Self-harm is NOT a cry for attention. It does NOT mean you want to kill yourself.
3 years ago: For some people, like me, I used it as a coping mechanism because the pain from hurting myself was a greater pain than what my mind was telling me I was feeling. There are so many better/ less harmful ways of dealing with stress/ anxiety/ depression- it’s just about finding what is best for you.
Now: In Sep 2019, I made the decision to attempt to end my own life. I was numb, I was simply existing with no purpose. Well, I thought I had no purpose, I thought I was just simply existing. It took me a very long time to reach deep inside and try to recover.
Do I regret it?
I regret affecting those around me because of the choice I made. But I don’t regret it, my entire outlook on my life has changed and I know exactly what I want to get out of my life. It’s my life.
9) Judging is one of the worst things you could do to somebody who suffers.
3 years ago: This illness made me one of the most self-loathing people I’ve ever known. I constantly told myself I wasn’t normal. When will I be normal? Do I look normal? If I look normal everybody will think i’m normal? BUT what is normal? There really is not any kind of normal in the world. The sooner you realise that the better!
Now: I was so self-deprecating, I constantly put myself down. And occasionally I still do that. But I recognise it and I know when it’s time to snap out of it
8) After somebody has admitted they need help, it does not make them a different person.
3 years ago: I felt a sense of ‘rush’ when I finally went to my first Triage meeting. Nothing that was done around me was intentional and I wouldn’t have known how to deal with such big news either. But I didn’t change. I still felt the same feelings. I still got anxious about the same thing. I still managed to get myself into a state of uncontrollable sobbing because I thought I would never be good enough! Please remember this.
Now: This is still something I agree with, I’m still the same person.
7) Mental Illness’ are, most of the time, invisible.
3 years ago: It is hard to see from the naked eye if somebodies mind is a little different to our own. It is more common than you think and can ruin lives just as easily as a physical illness. Like I said before, pretending is one of our stronger traits.
Now: Just because mental illness is invisible, it does not mean you are invisible. Your problems are not invisible, your emotions are not invisible, your presence is not invisible.
6) The word ‘crazy’ is very insulting.
3 years ago: We are not crazy, we are just different. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Now: I still live by this.
5) There are many signs to look out for: feeling useless, overthinking, lack of energy or motivation or avoiding other people.
3 years ago: I always felt useless, like my best was never good enough. This applied to every aspect of my life. I couldn’t help it. I always overthought things. ‘Why is she looking at me like that?’, ‘Do I look stupid today?’, ‘Why does everybody hate me?’, ‘No body ever listens to me.’ I never had motivation until the beginning of 2018. I always pretended I was interested in getting a job. I always pretended I was interested in doing things but in all honesty I was not. I always avoided people, mostly my family. Because I was embarrassed. Now I find comfort in talking about my issues.
Now: After giving birth, I don’t have time to sit around and think I’m not good enough. A little human is depending on you to teach them everything about the world. Teach them skills that going to school will not. Things like: morals and manners, love and affection, the difference between right and wrong. And I believe struggling with mental health, I will be able to help my son if he was to ever struggle.
4) ‘75% of people with a mental health condition will have developed it before the age of 18′.
3 years ago: When I was doing research myself, I found this quote and its hard to get out of my mind. Its terrifying to know that three quarters of people with a mental illness have suffered from teenage years, just like myself. It’s hard to accept that you need help, but once you do it really does help.
I’m 22. I have only ever accepted I needed help when I was 22. I have achieved so much already at the age of 22. But before that I had suffered for many year unknowingly. There is no time limit to recovery.
Now: At 25, I still struggle. There is no time limit to recovery. Do we ever really ‘recover’? Or do we discover better ways of coping?
3) Suicide should never be an option.
3 years ago: There are so so many different facilities and services available so please never feel like you’re alone. There is always another option.
Now: I should have taken my own advice
2) Take time to reflect on why you think your life is so bad, it’s because we haven’t demanded control of our own lives.
3 years ago: That is exactly what I did. With the help of NHS services and great people around me, I demanded control of my life back. And guess what, It feels amazing.
Now: How much control did I actually have? It’s mind blowing to think I thought I had it all figured out 3 years ago.
1) Never give up!!
This is what the depression wants. This is what the anxiety wants.
Be yourself, you can beat this.
I would like to thank the lovely ladies in the Parents in Mind group for giving me the confidence to post my update on 21 things to know about mental health. Sending love
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