Day Three:

January 3rd 2018.

Today, I attended my 3rd counselling session and it really made me reflect on last year.

Happy:

In comparison to earlier today, Fearne Cotton’s task for January 3rd is to note down things that are going to be changed moving forward into the new year.

I think in order to move forward in 2018, a time to reflect is always important. Facing the challenges head on, whether it is a difficult situation or not, can undeniably change your attitude towards life, moving ahead positively.

2017:

As I mentioned in my first blog post, 2017 was the hardest year of my life.

I lacked motivation to get a job and when I did for the small portion of the year, I didn’t put my all into it. I lacked a sense of direction- companies wouldn’t give me an opportunity to show what I could do. I always felt I was better than the work I was given: that was the wrong outlook. I should’ve been willing to learn and develop my skills. Therefore, this lead me into a cycle of rejection because I always thought I was better than ‘starting from the bottom.’ Currently, I’m in search for any job, in any field, just to get me into a routine again- which is also something I have lacked for 4/5 months.

I also had a few problems with a person I believed would be in my life forever. I honestly put my all into a relationship which I genuinely believed would last for a very long time. When it ended I started to feel like my best was not good enough anymore, in every aspect. In friendships, in working life, in family life, in life. But my self-esteem is something that I look at closely in counselling and is an on-going battle for me to tackle this year.

 

2018:

‘What are the things you’re going to change going forward into this new year?’

Well, I think the one thing that needs to change is people-pleasing. I continue to put myself in vulnerable situations, when sometimes I do not want to be in them but I fail to say no. I hate for anybody to think i’m a bad person by refusing to help somebody else. But this time I’m going to focus solely on myself, to make myself happy for a change.

Im going to change my job prospects- apply for anything, get out there and meet new people from all walks of life. My degree is not going anywhere, plus I haven’t really utilised it anyway. There is SO much pressure when graduating that its essential everybody gets their dream job straight away- and for some lucky people it worked out like that. Unfortunately for me, it did not. So focussing on moving out of my comfort zone is something i’m going to change this year.

Im sure over the next 12 months, there will be lots of new and interesting changes to will make to my lifestyle. But i’m taking it step by step.

#365DaysOfHappiness:

Today I chose to do something I forgot I loved doing: Painting! I inserted some colour into my life by using watercolours. It was so therapeutic and I forgot how relaxed I feel when I’m sat in my own little world with a paintbrush and some plain paper.

Art is subjective

In ‘life’ I love to be in control, I love for everything to go smoothly. But in these pieces there’s no structure, no ideal, no right or wrong and thats what I love! 

I.S